the adventure continues!

I know, I know...I'm a terrible blogger. I haven't been updating nearly as much as I probably should be, but I ASSURE you it's not because I've fallen off the wagon...no, it just seems that I don't have too much to say about this nonsense anymore. I should, however, take a moment to just say (in all caps and bolded) I AM OVER HALF-WAY DONE! Only 9 days left, to be exact. The finish line is truly in sight!

It's not all glitter and unicorns though; this week has actually had some reeeeeeally tough moments. Like on Monday night when BOTH of my favorite TV shows, Dallas and RuPaul's Drag Race, had their season premieres and I couldn't have a drink to celebrate. While the others were sipping their wine I was sipping my tea...not hatin' on my delicious Sleepytime Vanilla or anything, but it sho' as hell ain't wine!

I also had to behave myself today at a bridal shower for a co-worker. This was the first time since the detox began that I actually sat down at a table full of other people eating...we're talking sitting at a tiny table while four other people are munching down on CAKE and BLUE CHEESE. Yes BLUE CHEESE is in all caps too, because it's fucking BLUE CHEESE and I love it. Thankfully for me, this bridal shower was at a tea room so I did get to enjoy a nice pot of herbal raspberry hibiscus but again...BLUE CHEESE!

But neither of those events compare to what happened Thursday evening. I was hanging out with a boy that I have a really cool relationship with. We're not boyfriends, nor are we sleeping together, but we're definitely more friendly than I am with of my other male friends and it could potentially lead somewhere, someday if we want it to. ANYWAY, that's beside the point. The point is he had me over to his place, and he had ordered some take out for him and another friend earlier. Because he knew I was coming over (and because he's knows I'm veggie), he got me an order of baked cinnamon apples and hid them from our other friend so that I could have as much of them as I wanted. I hadn't told him about my detox and, since I had gone over to his place after the last of my "meals" for the day, I didn't think I would need to. It's just the sort of thing I don't really love explaining to people, and I thought I would be safe.

Ugh!!!!! Can I just say that having to say no to an adorable boy that is presenting you with a giant tub of baked cinnamon apples that he saved especially for you is the hardest thing ever? His little face looked so sad when I said no!

Here's hoping the weekend is easy as p...ok, let's not talk about pie just yet.

Starbucks, I salute you!

it's kind of a sad state of affairs when a decaf iced tea from Starbucks is the tastiest thing you've consumed in a week, but it's true. thank you passion fruit iced tea for bringing my palate just the tiniest bit of pleasure amidst all of this nastiness.

yes, I got a venti. no, it's DEFINITELY not the recommended size.

I'm not even hungry anymore

I'm definitely not interested in being anorexic or anything, but damn...by day six, I'm just not even feeling hunger so far! It's almost 1PM and I haven't had any of the three shakes and two servings of tea I'm supposed to have had. That's not for a lack of trying, however, I did attempt to put the shake mix in an actual blender (cuz I am SICK TO DEATH of there being chunks in blender bottles) buuuuuut apparently it's broken and it got all over the damn floor. Oops.

Now my kitchen stinks of my detox and now I can't even think of consuming one of those vile shakes.

today I cried

well....it was really was just a matter of time before I cried over food, and I'm just proud that I made it all the way to day 5 before it happened.

for those of you unfamiliar with my work situation, my desk is positioned about 15 feet from the Starbucks and about 25 feet from the Cafe. this means I hear frappe's being blended all day, and smell cookin' come lunch time. I've really been ok with it thus far (just because I know that the food in the cafe is never as good as it sounds/smells/should be), but today....today there's BRUNCH. the smell of french toast, bacon, waffles, and deliciousness is filling the air and, well....

I cried in the bathroom.

It's an insanely funny mental picture, I know, but unless you've starved yourself for days on end, you'll never really know just how emotional your connection with food is.

now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drive around in my car on my lunch break to escape this awful (glorious) smell.

day four is kind of a bore

I had to think long and hard about whether or not I really had anything to say today. honestly, I'm feeling very melancholy...it's not that I don't think I can do this, because I know from experience that I can, it's starting to be a question of whether or not I want to.

Maybe instead of starving myself for the better part of a month, I should spend the time learning to be happy with the body that I have instead of trying to change it into something that requires...all of THIS.

bleurgh...I'm not gonna quit, but Jesus Christ what I wouldn't do for some fucking hummus.

clearly my job is taunting me

Monday it was donuts...today it's an endless supply of cupcakes. WHY?

but on the upside, I apparently found Waldo.

day three is all about TEA

when you're sticking to an all-liquid detox diet; there isn't a whole lot of room for, shall we say, pleasure foods. you know the type...the pizza that makes your eyes roll back, or the hummus that makes you happy dance. the one bright spot in my day? TEA!

now, I've never been much of a tea drinker but I knew going into this that I was to drink about 32-40oz of it a day. the first time I detoxed, I was pretty boring with my choice - plain ol' green tea and that that was the end of the story. this time, however, I went crazy and bought about 6 different flavors. of them, two stand shoulders above the rest: 

look, I'm not trying to pretend these two flavors are anything but "dessert tea" and I could probably make better choices...but really, when you're doing a detox like this, it's about whatever will get you through the day!