Starbucks, I salute you!

it's kind of a sad state of affairs when a decaf iced tea from Starbucks is the tastiest thing you've consumed in a week, but it's true. thank you passion fruit iced tea for bringing my palate just the tiniest bit of pleasure amidst all of this nastiness.

yes, I got a venti. no, it's DEFINITELY not the recommended size.

I'm not even hungry anymore

I'm definitely not interested in being anorexic or anything, but damn...by day six, I'm just not even feeling hunger so far! It's almost 1PM and I haven't had any of the three shakes and two servings of tea I'm supposed to have had. That's not for a lack of trying, however, I did attempt to put the shake mix in an actual blender (cuz I am SICK TO DEATH of there being chunks in blender bottles) buuuuuut apparently it's broken and it got all over the damn floor. Oops.

Now my kitchen stinks of my detox and now I can't even think of consuming one of those vile shakes.

today I cried

well....it was really was just a matter of time before I cried over food, and I'm just proud that I made it all the way to day 5 before it happened.

for those of you unfamiliar with my work situation, my desk is positioned about 15 feet from the Starbucks and about 25 feet from the Cafe. this means I hear frappe's being blended all day, and smell cookin' come lunch time. I've really been ok with it thus far (just because I know that the food in the cafe is never as good as it sounds/smells/should be), but today....today there's BRUNCH. the smell of french toast, bacon, waffles, and deliciousness is filling the air and, well....

I cried in the bathroom.

It's an insanely funny mental picture, I know, but unless you've starved yourself for days on end, you'll never really know just how emotional your connection with food is.

now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drive around in my car on my lunch break to escape this awful (glorious) smell.

day four is kind of a bore

I had to think long and hard about whether or not I really had anything to say today. honestly, I'm feeling very melancholy...it's not that I don't think I can do this, because I know from experience that I can, it's starting to be a question of whether or not I want to.

Maybe instead of starving myself for the better part of a month, I should spend the time learning to be happy with the body that I have instead of trying to change it into something that requires...all of THIS.

bleurgh...I'm not gonna quit, but Jesus Christ what I wouldn't do for some fucking hummus.

clearly my job is taunting me

Monday it was donuts...today it's an endless supply of cupcakes. WHY?

but on the upside, I apparently found Waldo.

day three is all about TEA

when you're sticking to an all-liquid detox diet; there isn't a whole lot of room for, shall we say, pleasure foods. you know the type...the pizza that makes your eyes roll back, or the hummus that makes you happy dance. the one bright spot in my day? TEA!

now, I've never been much of a tea drinker but I knew going into this that I was to drink about 32-40oz of it a day. the first time I detoxed, I was pretty boring with my choice - plain ol' green tea and that that was the end of the story. this time, however, I went crazy and bought about 6 different flavors. of them, two stand shoulders above the rest: 

look, I'm not trying to pretend these two flavors are anything but "dessert tea" and I could probably make better choices...but really, when you're doing a detox like this, it's about whatever will get you through the day!

bottoms up!

yep...I consume FIVE of these lovelies per day

hello day 2, you're nothing like day 1

I'm not sure whether it was getting a good night's sleep, or my body reacting positively to my not stuffing it with shitty foods...but man, I feel GREAT today! I jumped out of bed full of energy, and it's not gone away yet.

Definitely feeling a lot more positive about this whole experience...obviously I'm still a starving homo (can't lose my unique blog angle so soon), but today it almost feels worth it.

dinner

While the rest of you are contemplating what to eat for dinner, I'm contemplating "which veggie broth tastes the least like piss?"

It's an important decision, as this will be my only "hot meal" for three weeks!

let's hope low sodium was the right decision

well...here we go

The one thing I didn't do last time I detoxed was write about it (the Martha's Vineyard Detox diet: http://mvdietdetox.com, for those of you interested in finding out about the root of my suffering). Oh sure; I bitched about it, cried over it, and even (very rarely) got excited about it...but I never put pen to paper (words to web?) and discussed WWWWTTTTFFFF was happening to me.

This time I will.

• Anytime I want to eat the chair I'm sitting on? Blog instead.
• Whenever I get mad at my cat because I still have to feed him even though I can't feed myself? Blogging!
• Every time 3PM rolls around and Summer tells me she's hungry? A friendly slap to the face, and THEN blogging. :)

Obviously we have already missed out on the build up (AKA me eating an entire order of chips and queso, a tub of hummus, half a pizza, and a bunch of pasta in the hours leading up to midnight-the start of my detox) and prime first day material, but I'll make up for it over the next three weeks I'm sure.

All I really have to say about today is MY CO-WORKERS ARE EVIL, EVIL PEOPLE:

help yourself!

I mean, REALLY?! On DAY ONE there has to be free donuts sitting within view?! Oy...it's going to be a looooooooong few weeks.